By Michael P Nichols
One individual talks; the opposite listens. it is so simple that we take it with no consideration. regrettably, so much folks think about ourselves as greater listeners than we really are. Why can we so frequently fail to attach whilst conversing with kinfolk, romantic companions, colleagues, or buddies? How do emotional reactions get within the means of actual verbal exchange? This considerate, witty, and empathic booklet has already helped over 100,000 readers holiday via conflicts and rework their own relationships. skilled therapist Mike Nichols offers vibrant examples, easy-to-learn strategies, and functional workouts for turning into a greater listener--and making your self heard and understood, even in tricky events.
Read or Download The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships (The Guilford Family Therapy) PDF
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Extra resources for The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships (The Guilford Family Therapy)
Example text
She’s always complaining. She says they won’t leave her alone, even when she goes to the bathroom. But she encourages it! She won’t let them alone to play by themselves, and she refuses to take any time for herself. And the thing that really bothers me is the way she always sides with the younger one. Everything Terri does is cute; everything Cody does is wrong. If I try to say anything, even very nicely, she starts crying and says I’m picking on her. ” Ellen felt neglected because Greg wouldn’t talk to her, but her contribution to the problem was not being open to his point of view.
Misunderstanding hurts, and when we’re hurt we tend to look outside ourselves for explanations. But the problem isn’t just that when something goes wrong we look for someone to blame. The problem is linear thinking. We reduce human interactions to a matter of personalities. ” Some people blame themselves (“Maybe I’m not that interesting”), but it’s usually easier to recognize the other person’s contribution. Attributing other people’s lack of understanding to character is armor for ignorance and passivity.
What my masculine intuition told me she really wanted was not rest but to be hurled violently up to the ceiling and then come crashing toward the floor—like a skydiver without a parachute—only to be plucked from the jaws of death by Daddy. Whee! Too choked with joy to speak, the little mite showed her pleasure by widening her eyes like saucers while her face turned a lovely shade of blue. Excessive enthusiasm may be less depressing, but it isn’t necessarily more responsive. We’ve all seen grown-ups at it—“baby love”—the fulsome tone of voice, the honeyed words, the endless marveling and exclaiming.